Wait a minute! I got another idea.
- Pete's two brings it to six. Not enough. - This one.
- She's a big dame, but in proportion. - Has she got class?
In every way.
- Seven ought to do it. I'll try it. - Do it.
Excuse me.
Louie, hit me again?
Hello? Is this Betty...?
Is this Betty?
Oh, well, I tell you, my name is Joe Clay.
My name is Joe Clay, a friend of Abe Quine's. We're in the executive suite.
It's kind of- Yeah, Abe Quine.
It's kind of noisy, but he told me you are a very lovely girl, Betty.
And you...
And he suggested that... Well, you know...
...you like to have a good time.
Anyway, my agency is throwing a party...
...or rather we're inviting people for a party...
...on Prince Harun Badul's yacht...
...and Abe suggested that you might be a very welcome addition.
What, honey?
No, not Abe Badul, it's Prince Harun Badul.
It's his party on his yacht.
Yes, he's a real prince, dear.
Yeah.
I thought you would. Fine.
Well, it's berth 23, Saint Francis Yacht Club, 6:30.
Right? Okay, and we'll have a launch there.
All right, bye-bye now.
Magic time.
Here comes number seven. Let's cast off.
You're late.
You're dressed wrong.
It's supposed to be a cocktail dress. You know, something peekaboo.
To, you know, sparkle a little. You call that peekaboo?
Let's go.
Hey, you, wait a minute.
Hey, you! Wait a-
Dumb broad. Come on, girls, come on.
Hey, you.
Listen, who-?
You must be the new man from the agency.
Yes, sir, Joe Clay. You're Mr. -?
Mr. Trayner.
- I see you've already met my secretary. - Well, not officially.
- He was much too busy. - Say, these are fine.
- Thank you. - Just fine and dandy.
Well, hello there.
Can I buy you a drink?
Oh, no, thank you. I don't drink.
Look...
...I'm sorry about mistaking you for one of the other girls.
So you're the new public relations man.
- Yeah. - What happened to Eddie?
Eddie quit.
We liked him. Why'd he quit?
Well, a little matter of personal integrity.
Eddie didn't feel that getting dates for potentates was part of public relations.
But isn't it?
Well, there's a name for it, but it's not public relations.
Well, whatever it is, you seem to do it very well.
One.
- Four. - You counted twice here!
Wait a minute, there's only four girls. We had seven!
Six- Wait a- Hey, don't move out, we've got two girls missing here.
Wait a minute, there's two-
Two of my girls are missing up there!
Two of the young ladies are not quite ready to leave.
- Not quite ready. - I guess I'm to be congratulated...
- ... on a job well done, huh? - Well done, well done.
Everybody here?
Hi.
Mr. Trayner isn't here.
That's luck. You're the one I came to see.
Look, I felt we should be friends, so...
- Hello there? - Excuse me.
I have to meet Mr. Trayner at a meeting.
We sort of got started on the wrong foot. It was sort of my...
- Anyway, I brought a peace offering. - Why?
Why? Well, because...
Now, look, we're gonna be working together, sort of, huh?
I mean, from- I'll be up to see the boss from time to time.
Look, Mr. Clay- That is your name, isn't it?
Mr. Trayner is the one you have to please.
He seems very happy with what you've done so far.
- Supposing I wanted to please you? - There's no reason for you to please me.
Peanut brittle.
Look, you're forcing me to be rude. I hate peanut brittle.
Excuse me.
- Good night, Gladys. - Good night, Miss Arnesen.
You like peanut brittle?
Down?
Getting back to what people do for a living, can I ask a question...
...that might embarrass you?
What spec...?
What qualifications do you have for a job that allows you to sit around all day...
...and chat with the boss? I heard about your job.
Maybe answer a few personal letters for him...
...and accompany him to parties?
Spend half your working day reading...
...while typists who get less money than you do all the work?
That reminds me, I forgot my book.
She always carries that book.
I'll tell you what special qualifications you have. You're pretty.
That's what you have. That old lech loves to have you around...
...to look at and lean on. When he's drunk, like last night.
And who knows what else. That's what special qualifications you have.
Listen.
I am sorry, and I shouldn't have said that.
I came up here to try and be friends.
I was gonna ask you to have dinner with me.
Peanut brittle?
I think you must be the silliest man I've ever met. Peanut brittle?
Well, I guess you're right. Let's forget it.
- Night. - Good night.
Mr. Clay?
I thought you were going to ask me to dinner.
- Well, I was- - Well, why don't you?
I mean, my board meeting won't be over till 7:30...
...so I wouldn't have time to change or anything, but-
It would have to be someplace kind of casual.
I know just the spot. Place Pigalle. I'll meet you there at 7:30, you'll love it.
- Okay. -7:30.
At a board meeting!Can you imagine, with all those old jowly men staring at me?
Mr. Trayner says, "I couldn't get along without her.
She's there when I need her, especially when I've had a couple too many.
Takes care of me like a mother. "
And then he gives me one of those special proprietary hugs of his...
And I suddenly realized I owe you an apology.
Oh, I'm just as bad as you are.
I guess everybody swallows his pride once in a while, on account of his job.
I had no business saying that to you in the first place.
Hit me again. Not you.
- Anything for the lady? - No, nothing.
- What do you got against booze, anyway? - I just don't much see the point in it.
Point? Well, it makes you feel good.
I already feel good. I don't like the taste.
- What do you like? - Chocolate.
- Chocolate? - Chocolate.
I'm practically nutty about it.
Wait a minute, hold everything.
- What did you do? - Oh, you'll see.
- I think we should order, don't you? - In a few minutes.
Kirsten Arnesen.
No wonder you're tough to get along with. You're not even American.
Ever drive down the peninsula toward San Mateo?
Arnesen Nursery. That's us. That was us.
I just couldn't take it.
Oh, my father's a wonderful man, good man.
But I kept thinking to myself:
"You're pretty. You're pretty, and here you are. "
Oh, girls know when they're pretty.
There I was, blushing unseen, wasting my sweetness on the desert air.
Gray's "Elegy. "
- Did you get that out of this book? - Not this one.
That's volume Je-La. Gray's out of volume Go-Ja.
World Library of Great Literature. Volume 5, Je to La-
Je to La. Je-La.
Father gave me those for high school graduation.
He said if I read from Ab-Bu to Ya-Zu...
...it'd be the equivalent of a college education.
Je-La, that puts you about the middle of your sophomore year.
- Oh, no, thank you, I- - No, that's all right.
- But I- - It's special, for you. It's chocolate. Try it.
It's good. It is.
- Very. - Yeah. See what I mean?
Brandy Alexander, they call that.
Say, now.
Would you wait a minute?
Oh, look, Joe. It's more beautiful than ever tonight.
- Yeah. - You know something?
You were right about that brandy thing.
- Alexander. - About it making me feel good.
- Oh, yeah it would, you chicken. - I feel wonderful.
You don't feel like asking me up for a cup of coffee, or-
Some other time, Joe, do you mind?
I'm not ready to go up yet. Wanna walk down to the Bay?
Why not?
You do very good work.
Well, there goes another boatload out to the prince's yacht.
Another load of actresses.
I don't see how you can drink like that...
...right out of the bottle. It must taste awful.
Well, anything worth having is worth suffering for. Isn't it?
I guess so.
Oh, I like to watch the water.
If you look close, it's filthy...
...but I like to look further out, where it's clean.
You know what I think?
I think I watch the water because...
...I expect a sea monster to come up out of there someday...
...and carry me down to the ocean caves.
Mom and Dad are a club act.
You know, I mean songs and dances...
...and snappy patter.
Old-time vaudeville. They're in some loud joint in Vegas, right this minute.
Are they good?
You know, they were on Ed Sullivan a couple years ago.
But you didn't like that kind of life.
No, I wanted something steady. Something with a little class.
Like the Trayner Drilling account. Class.
Don't hate yourself. It's something you've gotta do.
It's part of your job.
I wanna be a public relations man, not a pimp.
My job is supposed to be to advise people how to relate to the public, you know?
How to make the good that my client does known...
...and how to help him find ways to do good...
...and benefit others as well as himself.
Be a garbage man, or some eunuch in a harem.
I'm gonna tell the agency, I tell you.
So I burden you with it. Well, that's great.
I don't mind.
Short story.
Man meets girl.
Beautiful.
Sweet.
Nice.
Much too nice for him, I'll tell you.
Only kind of girl you really should bother about.
Finally, after...
...numerous strategical blunders...
...he manages to get a date.
And he walks her down to the Bay, under the stars...
...and he gets himself loaded and he cries on her shoulder like a baby.
Some lover, huh?
Joe, I'm enjoying being here with you.
After all, you've helped me avoid my apartment for the longest possible time.
That's an accomplishment in itself, you know.
The roach kingdom. The whole building, the whole block.
If you don't leave food out for the roaches, you can't get in.
They just pick you up and carry you out into the street and change the lock.
Roach kingdom.
You know, sometimes I come down here at night alone...
...and look at the water, just to keep from going home.
Yeah.
Well, you can't come down here alone at night!
This place, it's crawling with all kinds of oddballs.
Oh, they walk by me real slow sometimes and stare...
...but they don't do anything. I don't know why.
That's- You're-
You know something...
...I dreamt one time they murdered me.
Over there, behind those pilings.
And my father came all the way in from the peninsula...
...in his pickup truck to take my body home.
And all the way home, he talked.
Talked a blue streak, all the way home.
But I was dead and I couldn't hear him. Couldn't answer him.
The strange thing is...
...my father doesn't talk.
Oh, he used to talk to my mother.
When I was a little girl he'd talk to her in a low, low voice...
...after I'd gone to bed at night.
But in the daytime they hardly talked at all. They had a...
...very private love affair.
Their favorite toast to each other was:
In Norwegian, that means "Together in heaven. "
Get the lilt.
"Together in heaven. "
They meant it too.
After Mama died, he was more silent than ever.
Almost as though he'd gone with her.
Oh, well.
"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may. "
Little coop- Coup de gräce.
Would you believe it's 2:00?
- Time does not exist in the ocean. - Well, it will in the office tomorrow.
I commend thee to the deep.
They are not long, the days of wine and roses:
Out of a misty dream our path emerges for a while...
...then closes within a dream.
I guess we should be getting back, huh?
- He come in? - Yes, sir.
Rad, come in.
Trayner's been trying to get you all morning.
This is one of those mornings I couldn't make it.
Those things happen. He's praising you to the skies.
- Thanks. - That prince what's-his-name...
...was so pleased Trayner wants to throw another party tomorrow night.
- Tomorrow night? - Better call him.
- Congrats on a very happy client. - Look, Rad, I better-
- Could I talk to you for a minute? - Shoot.
I don't know how to start it.
I know the Trayner thing has to be done...
...arrangements like this have to be made, but-
But you'd rather not.
- I realize it's part of my job- - Makes you feel dirty.
I don't blame you for a minute, but I don't know what I can do about it.
Unless we put another man on there.
Could do that.
Some of the boys don't mind that.
Wait. I don't mean I can't do it. I can do it.
That isn't what I meant. It isn't that. I just, I...
You'd rather not. Well, let's see now.
Look, not that I won't do it.
This is the first account of any size that you guys have given me.
I think I've got a flash.
Nell. Get me Roger Acton, will you?
That's right.
If Roger goes along with this, we've got your problem solved...
- ... to everyone's advantage. - I don't want this to look like...
...complaining or- I just started on the account.
- Roger may take a dim view of this- - No, no.
He'll admire your integrity, if anything. Believe me-
Yes? Thanks, Nell.
Rog. Got a little prob here with Joe.
You know, we put him on that Trayner Drilling account.
Yeah. Says he heard Trayner was delighted with you.
Well, here's the prob, Rog.
That's it exactly. Says, "Same deal as Eddie, huh?"
He knows someone's got to, Rog...
...but let me pull something out of a hat and we'll see if it hops.
- Joe? - Yeah?
- Hi. - Hi.
- Come on up. - Yeah.
- What in the world are you carrying? - It's a few things to go with dinner.
Here, I'll help you.
- I was afraid you'd forgotten. - I'm sorry I'm late.
I was busy having a couple with my new client.
- Your new- You didn't! - Yeah.
- You're off the Trayner Drilling account? - Yeah, I am.
- You're a man of principle. - Yeah.
Of course, I... Well.
I may wish I was back getting girls for Trayner before it's over.
This new guy, Ballefoy? Murder.
Drinks with both hands. Can't keep up or communicate. Thank you.
- Hey, this is it, huh? - Yeah.
This is the roach kingdom?
- You're feeling pretty good tonight. - You'll catch up.
Brandy Alexander. I got all the makings.
The brandy and the crème de cacao.
We got all the natural accouterments to a home-cooked meal.
- You know what's in there? - No.
A chocolate cake.
With chocolate icing.
And we have champagne to go with the meal.
And for me, plain, unassuming, solid citizen-type man...
...of principle that I am, the holy comforts of soda...
...and where is it? Scotch.
This is the roach kingdom, huh?
This is the place where the roaches reign supreme?
- Yes. - Well, we'll just see about that.
- This is war. - You really are too much.
I just don't believe...
...in letting subversive elements take over.
Man of principle, I salute you.
Salute me with that stuff. Go easy on the soda.
Cockroaches. Come out, wherever you are.
Here we go. You're gonna go to cockroach heaven.
- You know something funny? - What?
I didn't really quit the Trayner account.
- But I- - Oh, I'm off it, all right.
I just hinted that it was a little distasteful and they took me right off, but-
- Well? - Well, what bothers me is...
...that I didn't demand to be taken off it...
...or even ask to be taken off it, I just hinted, you know.
I mean, I practically apologized for even hinting. What do you think of that?
Well... Well, Joe, at least you hinted.
Most people in your position wouldn't even hint. They'd be too insecure.
Here.
To men of principle, wherever they may be.
- Oh, hi, Dottie. - What, are you spraying in there?
Spray- Oh, yes. We are.
Oh, well, now, you ought not to do that.
You get them all stirred up, and what's the good? You made a mess.
You've gotta think about other people, you know.
Well, I mean, look- I don't like to complain, but, I mean, this is ridiculous.
They don't bother anybody. They don't destroy anything.
You leave them alone, they leave you alone.
Lock up what you don't want crawled over.
But you start spraying stuff on the walls, and look at the mess.
- What are you trying to do up there? - Somebody spraying up there?
- You know what you're doing? - I'm choking to death.
- What are you doing? - You just come in off the prairie?
People living in apartment buildings gotta learn to leave roaches alone.
Well, look, you should see what they're doing to us up here.
- This is ridiculous. - What's the matter with you people?
Now what am I supposed to do?
I mean, you've got them all mad.
- They're all going crazy, you know? - I don't know.
I'm sorry.
Didn't I tell you?
You've undermined the whole base of metabolism of the building.
I'm warning you, Joe, you better-
What-?
You better- You-
What?
You better grow a beard and move out of town...
...because those roaches saw you...
...and the word-
What?
The word- The word'll spread, and if they ever track you down-
What?
You'll be a goner.
Oh, darling.
- How do I look? - Gorgeous.
And guilty?
- Kirsty. - Daddy, I brought somebody to meet you.
I know it's late, and I'm sorry to wake you up...
...but it was so important it couldn't wait.
Come in.
- Daddy, this is Joe Clay. - Sir.
Sorry we woke you up, Mr. Arnesen.
Let's go sit in the kitchen, Kirsty.
The kitchen is Daddy's favorite room.
I know this is kind of a funny time of night...
...to be introducing people, Daddy, but Joe and I...
Well, I was anxious for him to meet you, and we were out driving and-
You know how I do things on the spur of the moment.
- I hope you don't mind us waking you. - Have a seat.
Oh, thank you.
How have you been, Kirsty?
That's Daddy's way of letting me know I haven't called him this week.
I've been very busy, Daddy.
- What kind of work you do? - Public relations, sir.
Public relations?
You know, Daddy, it's- Well, it's hard to explain.
Well, I suppose you might say my job is...
...to sort of help my client create a public image.
Well, for an example...
...let's say my client, Corporation x...
...does some good. Something of benefit to the public...
...or something that could conceivably be conceived as...
...a benefit to the- Well, my job is to see that the public knows it.
And what if this x Corporation does something bad?
Well...
Well, theoretically, they don't.
Theoretically.
Well, part of my job is...
...to help my client...
...to think of ways to operate in a way...
...that the public would, you know, approve.
But if your x Corporation makes a mistake...
...and the thing turns out bad?
Well...
I guess then I try to make it look not quite so bad.
- Well, there's more to it than that, sir. - It's terrifically complicated, Daddy.
I don't understand that kind of work.
You love my girl?
Yes, sir, very much.
Your mama and daddy live in San Francisco?
- No, sir, they- - No, Joe's mother and father...
...are in show business, Daddy. They have a wonderful act.
I mean, I've never seen it, but from what Joe tells me-
They were on Ed Sullivan once. You might have seen them.
This girl had a fine mama.
Her mama taught her how to be good. Come home early.
I know she remembers those things.
These days, girls think they have to live in town.
But still, she remembers those things.
Well, she's the finest girl I ever met, Mr. Arnesen.
- Look, Mr. Arnesen, we were- - Daddy, Joe and I have to go.
We both have to work tomorrow.
Sure.
We hated to wake you up.
I'm glad you came by, Kirsty.
Daddy, I hope you like him.
- Don't put him on the spot. - Takes time to find that out, Kirsty.
- Nice to have met you, sir. - Same here, Joe.
Maybe I could take Joe out and show him the greenhouse.
I'll put on the big light.
Gee, I never knew there were so many flowers.
- Good night. - Good night, Kirsty.
- Good night, sir. - Good night, Joe.
- Oh, brother, did I goof that one. - Oh, he made me so nervous, I-
Mr. Arnesen, Kirsten and I were married about two hours ago.
You know what I'd like to do?
I'd like to go some nice place and have a drink.
- Where's my little gal? Where is she? - In here.
Okay.
- There she is. I got the groceries. - You saved me a trip.
And how are you today? I got you some crazy lotion.
She says, "I'm nice and dry. " Temporarily.
For the skin you love to bite.
- You're something. - Yes, she is.
You are really something. I gotta get to work.
Ballefoy's having a bash tonight for some of the new guys.
- You want to go? - I'd love to...
- ... but I gotta get up early. - I thought you'd want to.
- You've been stuck so long... - I would, but...
- It doesn't matter. I have to be there. - Call me.
Yep.
Hi.
Well, I see you got that dame from Harper's Bazaar to show up.
I could get her to use Covington Farms-
- Hi, Joe. Hi, Mr. Ballefoy. - Hi, honey.
We could use Covington Farms for a fashion layout.
That country living we were talking about.
We'll furnish anything they need. Cooperate fully.
- Get in there as solid as you can. - Wait.
If we even get a mention of Covington Farms-
- I know, it'll be an accident. - Yeah.
Still, I confess to you, I had an ulterior motive...
...for making the suggestion. Frankly...
- Where was I? - "Frankly. "
Oh, yes. Frankly, you know how Mr. Covington loves personal publicity.
- Not again. - You haven't heard-
Covington has got to face...
...that a man does not automatically become a public figure...
...because he builds an empire out of chicken fat.
Do you know, I got this guy into...
...the Poultry Annual, with a close-up...
...and I got him into the Dairyland News. And there they care.
I even finagled a feature story on this man in Western Feed and Grain...
- ... but Harper's Bazaar, now, come on! - Are you through?
It's Mrs. Covington.
- That old hayraker? - Our leader is rich, Joe.
- His wife is a rich hayraker. - She wants her home...
...and her garden and her Picassos-
I should get her elected "best-dressed cow. "
In full color.
Joe, why aren't you dancing with me?
Honey, I am dancing with you. Hey, doll, hit me again.
Magic time.
She's almost asleep. You'll wake her.
- What's she doing up? - She was hungry.
She's gotta learn some of Mommy's time belongs to Daddy.
It's Daddy's time of night.
- Try to keep your voice down. - What's the matter?
I've been working since 10 a. m. I come home and I get shushed?
Working your elbow more than anything else.
I had a drink with these people. That's part of the job.
I thought your job was to advise them-
If Ballefoy wants me to drink, what am I gonna do?
- Well, if he has confidence in you- - Confidence?
Please.
He has confidence that I'll do what I'm told, regardless. Confidence.
He even has confidence, I think, that to keep my job...
...I'd ask the mayor of San Francisco to give a ticker-tape parade...
...for his chicken fat king.
What happened...?
Well, now, look.
I come home after a couple of drinks and you're cold sober.
So maybe you're a little tired- I know I seem loud and-
All right, I am.
Didn't used to think so.
I feel your disapproval. I feel it.
If you wanna sit up, if you wanna wait for me...
...is there a law that says you can't have a couple of blasts while you're waiting?
So that maybe we can have some laughs around here. Is there?
- I'm not supposed to. - I know, your milk.
It's the 20th century. They invented milk bottles.
And they got milk in cans. It's as good as that milk!
You're gonna ruin your shape.
For crying out loud, you'd think you were the only woman that ever had a ba-
I was dragged around by the scruff of my neck...
...on midnight trains and in freezing weather and I would- I was eating...
...crackers and peanut- Don't do that!I was eating peanut butter!
Kids have got to learn to be people- Don't!Look, please...
...just get her a bottle and some formula. I want to have a ball, you and me!See?
For God- Don't shush me!
If I'm too loud, then I'll just close the damn door!
- No, Joe, please, it's too stuffy- - At that age, caring about temperature.
How could I do a thing like that...
...to a child?
What's the matter with me?
You're right. It's kind of stuffy in there.
"Po-Ra. " You'll make it yet.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Mr. Clay's office. Oh, no, I'm sorry. He-
Yes, I know it's important.
I'll give him the message as soon as he gets in.
Well, I'm sure he'll be here any minute.
Yes, I will.
Coffee.
Oh, Mr. Clay. Mr. Ballefoy says please call.
Yeah. Okay, okay. Coffee, coffee, coffee.
It's heating. I just want to be sure about the Ballefoy thing.
Okay, you did your duty. You told me.
- Just get the coffee. - It isn't hot.
Did I say hot coffee? I just said coffee. But just bring it?
- You got a sec, Joe? - For you, all day, Rad.
Oh, the head.
It was Debbie's 1 st birthday and Kirsten and I celebrated last night.
- Really hung one on. - Yeah, with a capital "hung. "
- If you'd rather not talk just now- - No, business as usual.
- What- Hey, want some coffee? - No, thanks.
Well, what's on your mind?
I'd like to chat with you about the Covington Farms account.
- Shoot. - Well, it's a long story...
...but the point is, I think it would be best if we took you off the account.
You took-? What-?
What is-? Ballefoy and I get along.
Well, the truth is, they're letting Ballefoy out.
Frankly, for drinking too much. And the new man...
Well, I could adjust to a new man.
Well, actually, Joe, we sort of had other plans for you anyhow.
We're putting you on the Campbell Cherokee Tool account.
Campbell Cherokee- I'd be in Houston half the time.
- Houston's a refreshing town. - I've got a wife and a kid.
- Joe, we feel- - It's a demotion, isn't it?
- I wouldn't call it that. - You wouldn't?
Smaller, less sensitive account, miles away from home.
- What would you call it? - Well-
Well, never mind, I think I understand.
I hope you do, Joe.
Don't feel bad, honey.
I wouldn't be surprised if Rad Leland wanted you out of town...
...for fear you'd get his job.
Not his decision.
Well, somebody's making the decisions. There's politics down there.
You want the rest of this? I'll get some more, honey.
I don't know. I've tried to be honest with myself.
Ask myself, "Was it my fault?"
You know it's not.
That's funny, there's only two bottles down there.
I thought I had three.
Funny.
- You do your job, honey. - Yeah, I do. I know I do.
The main point is, you do your job.
Yeah, I swore I had three bottles in there.
You do your job fine.
You know, you gotta remember not everybody's honest.
Things are going on down there.
Bums.
- Howdy, Landry. - Charlie, shake hands with Joe Clay.
Joe's the new PR man from D.D.J.A. Charlie Dean.
- Good to see you. - Pleasure.
- Charlie's a vice president. - I look forward to working with you.
We're having a little barbecue out at my place Sunday.
- Why don't you come out and join us? - You'll get all the barbecue you can eat.
- And all the bourbon you can drink too. - Thank you.
- How's she doing, Landry? - She's doing great.
Mama Bear...
...and Baby Bear.
Oh, goody, goody! Toast and honey!
Mommy?
Mommy? Mommy?
What's the matter, honey? Oh, it's too noisy.
Just lie down. It's all those people coming home from work.
You go to sleep. I'll close the window.
Well, snuggle-bug, snuggle down, okay? Sleep.
Sleep.
Are they all right, Pop? You sure?
Well, I knew she was having a couple now and then...
...but nothing like this.
Yeah.
Okay, Pop. Well-
Take good care of them, Pop. Tell them I'll get there as quick as I can.
Waiter? Waiter, would you hit me again, please?
I...
I've gotta get the 11- I've gotta go home on the 11:30 plane.
My...
My wife got drunk and set the apartment on fire.
Couldn't this be rebuilt?
Frame's burned through.
Well, if you didn't spend most of your time in Houston, it wouldn't have happened.
Don't worry.
I won't be going to Houston anymore. They fired me.
Debbie, you run outside and play for a while. I want to speak to your mother.
Come on, honey.
- What's wrong? - We gotta talk about something.
- Have a beer- - No!Sorry.
- You drunk? - I haven't had a drop!
Well, then, what's the matter with you?
I walked by the Union Square Bar. I was gonna go in and I saw myself...
...my reflection in the window. And I thought, "I wonder who that bum is. "
And then I saw it was me.
Now, look at me, I'm a bum. Look at me, look at you. You're a bum!Look at you.
And look at us. Look at us, come on!
Look at us. See? A couple of bums. Now, look!You've gotta listen to me.
It came to me. I saw it all. You know why I've been fired...
...from five jobs in four years. It's not politics.
It's not office politics or jealousy or any of that stuff. It's booze!
- It's booze! - A couple of drinks-
We have more than a couple of drinks...
...we get drunk! We stay drunk most of the time.
Look at the dump that we live in, the clothes that we wear-
We send that child off to school like she's...
Look at me. I'm a drunk and I don't do my job and that's it!
I'm a drunk and I don't do my job and I get fired...
...and I can't get a job now!And I...
We should've looked at ourselves long ago and realized we've turned into bums!
Honey, honey, I love you!
I love you too, and I don't mean that I didn't. But we gotta face this.
Please!
All right, we just won't drink so much.
No!Not so- I got a plan and we got to do it, honey. We gotta make it work.
We're gonna get sober, but we'll stay sober. We don't take a drop. Nothing.
And then- I thought this out. We'll go to your father and convince him we mean it.
And he'll give us enough money to get off the ground.
Then I'll go to the old places and they'll see I'm sober and they'll take me back.
Are you with me? We gotta do it now or it's too late. We gotta make it work.
- Are you with me? - I'm always with you.
Good. We gotta do it, honey, we gotta make it work.
Hey, Pop.
- You sure that Vic Tanny started this way? - Who?
Bernarr McFadden.
- One more, Joe. - Yeah. "One more, Joe. "
Anything you say, warden.
Hey, warden? Gotta ask you one question.
Are you-?
You sure that out there there is a highway...
...and down that highway there is a town?
A town with people, with people just like us?
- One more tree, Joe. - "One more tree, Joe," I know.
"One more tree, Joe. One more tree, Joe. "
- Are you in for life? - It looks like it.
- How long you been here? - Almost a month.
- Well, I feel like I've been here 10 years. - Seems to agree with you.
- Do you like boys? - I love them.
Yeah?
Come with me. There's something I wanna try.
- All my life I've wanted to do that. - Oh, poor little city boy.
Hey, you know something?
I never really understood...
- ... the reason for haystacks before. - Yeah.
That crazy smell gives us all those problems we hear about.
- And the softness. - Yeah.
You know, I can't remember us ever feeling like this before.
- Except after a couple of drinks. - Yeah.
Was the other better?
Can't see how it would be.
Caught you drinking.
No harm in one beer, Joe. Or two or three.
Matter of how much, huh?
- Sanders says he'll pay you Monday. - With Sanders it's always Monday.
- And then Friday. - Yeah.
Hey.
Remember Mrs. Michel, where you delivered those roses about a month ago?
Two months ago exactly. My second day as a trusty.
She phoned in a big order this afternoon.
Said she remembered us because of the nice man who delivered the roses.
All part of public relations, Pop. Kirs upstairs?
Joe.
You want a beer?
You're starting to trust me again.
Well, thanks anyway, Pop.
Hi-ho!
A tasty little neck.
- I'm glad you like it. Have some more. - No, not right now.
My, we have been good the last couple of months. Just perfect.
- We sure have. - Much too good.
Because you are much too beautiful to be so good, and I was thinking...
...being good is better than being bad, yes?
But being too good is worse than death.
- There are times when I agree with you. - Well, how would you like to spice up...
...your exemplary life by just slipping a teeny-weeny bit?
- A teeny-weeny bit? - Just a modicum, a jot, a minim.
A drop?
- Where is it? - No, it all starts with a striptease.
Oh, well, I thought you were talking about something more tangible.
Please, you're interrupting a performance.
Joe!
Oh, you're a genius!
Nothing at all, my dear.
Of course, getting this tape off is gonna be a major operation.
Okay, now, here we go. Fast, right?
Next time I do this...
...I'm gonna shave my legs.
- No, Joe, we can't. - What do you mean?
- It'll ruin everything. - Now, just a darn minute, lady.
I'm not suggesting an all-out orgy.
I think we've learned better than that, I hope and trust.
We've been working hard.
Behaving ourselves. Just a wee little drop in the privacy of our own little room...
...isn't gonna hurt us. Who's to know?
We just lie back in bed like civilized people and sip it through a straw.
May I expect your cooperation?
Well, now, how could I not vote for someone who dances so divinely?
Hold on.
Twinsies.
And there is another. In the greenhouse.
It is in the fourth pot and the fifth table-
Fourth pot, third table, fifth row. Yeah, that's it.
Fourth pot, third table, fifth row. Four, five, three.
Now, remember the combination, because if I die before I wake, that's your legacy.
- You are depraved. - Yeah, flattery will get you everywhere.
Magic time.
Here.
- Step on it. - What?
Here.
Kirsty.
Kirsty?
Must have had a nightmare.
You all right?
I'm fine, Daddy, just go back to bed.
Come up now.
We ain't fighting.
Gulp.
It's all gone.
- Oh, it's all gone. - Four thirty-five.
Get the other one. Get the other one.
You'll wake up Daddy. He'll hear you.
- What? - I'm gonna go out the window...
...and down the tree, as silent as a squirrel.
- Don't fall, then. Hurry up. - Four, three, five.
- No, no. Wait a second, Joe. - What?
- You said- - I'll be quiet as a squirrel.
- Three, five, four. - No.
- Yes. - No. Four, three, five. Hold that.
Hurry back.
Four, five, three.
Here we go!
What was it?
Fourth, was it? One. Two. Three.
Fourth row!Third table.
Two. Fifth pot. One, two, three, four, five...
...and come to Papa!
What-?
Five, four, three.
Fourth, fifth row. Third table, fourth pot.
One, two, three, four.
Wait a minute. What-?
What happened?
Wait a minute.
Don't get excited. Wait a minute.
Start it all over. Wait a minute. One.
Two. One. Five, four, three...
One. It's the fifth pot!
One more. Third.
Where is it?
What?
Who took it?
Where is it? Red flower!
It's a red flower!
Lights!Where are the lights?
Who took it? Who took it?
Where? Where? Where is it?
Who took it? Who took it?
Somebody stole it! They stole it!They stole it!
Who took it?
They took it!
Took it!They took it!
Daddy?
- I'm drunk as a skunk. - Kirsty!
I'm plastered and lonely. I want you to kiss me good night.
- Dirty Joe brought whiskey. - Kiss me good night.
- You get back to your room. - What's the matter, Daddy?
I just want you to kiss...
Granddaddy?
- Go to bed, Debbie! - You get out of here!Get out of here!
- Leave my daddy alone, leave him alone! - Debbie!Go ahead!
- You come along with me, now. - I'm not a kid.
- Get in the tub. - No, I don't wanna.
- Get in the tub! - Daddy!
Get in there!
What are you doing?
One-sixty-eight, Ed.
Ed, give me a hand!
How you feeling, fella?
Rotten.
- Who are you? - I'm Jim Hungerford.
Nurse says you want help.
I'm from Alcoholics Anonymous.
- Honey, please read the book. - No.
Hungerford says the AA meetings are terrific.
Just a bunch of alcoholics keeping each other sober, and it works.
- Please read the book. It makes sense. - No!
I don't know why you took it. They must think you're a bum.
I asked for it. I must have needed help, I was in the hospital.
- You didn't belong there. - I was there. Nobody belongs there.
I passed out on Mission Street. I didn't belong there, but-
All right, you had too much. Doesn't mean you're an alcoholic.
Look, dear. What's wrong with just going to a meeting? Now, what could we lose?
You can go if you want, I don't care, but I'm not gonna go.
I am not an alcoholic and I refuse to say I am.
I refuse to ask for help in something...
...that is just a matter of self-respect and willpower.
I refuse to get up in front of a bunch of people and degrade myself.
I know I can't drink, because it gets the best of me, so I...
I will just use my willpower and not drink, and that's the end of it.
- We got time for a cigarette. - You nervous?
No, I...
- Button came off my jacket. - Leave it open.
- Yeah. - Oh, yeah. Here.
I used to be a pretty fancy dresser.
I wouldn't have been caught dead with a button off me.
- You're scared? - No, this is natural complexion. Pale green.
- Nobody will notice. Come on. - Well, wait a minute. Just, you know...
You know, you are turning pale green. Now, will you come on?
It's facing all the people.
- You sure? - What do you mean?
- It's facing yourself, isn't it? - I don't mind sharing my life.
Even the most embarrassing parts of it. That's not what bothers me.
The idea of standing in front of everyone and saying:
- "I am an alcoholic. " - Are you?
- Yes, I- - So are we!Now, you've heard us...
...night after night saying, "I am an alcoholic. " It's a big step forward.
But it's funny that four months ago you saw me in the violent ward...
...and you told me about AA. I went to the meetings, I listened...
...and I've been sober ever since. Kirs has been sober too, just as sober as I am.
She has never said, "I am an alcoholic. " She hasn't been near a meeting.
She claims she can do it on willpower alone.
Can you?
My name is Jim Hungerford.
And I'm an alcoholic.
I'm your chairman for tonight.
Now, all I have to do to qualify myself is to say that I drank too much...
...too often over too long a period of time.
Welcome to the meeting of the Mason Street group of Alcoholics Anonymous.
"Alcoholics Anonymous is a group of men and women who share their experience...
...strength and hopes that they may solve their common problem...
...and help others to recover from alcoholism.
The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.
There are no dues or fees for AA membership.
We are self-supporting through our own contributions. AA is not allied...
...with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution.
Does not wish to engage in controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any causes.
Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety. "
Now, we got a couple of speakers tonight I know you're gonna enjoy hearing.
To start, we're gonna hear from a man who came just four months ago.
Now, this will be his first talk at an AA meeting.
Joe.
My name...
My name is Joe Clay.
I'm an alcoholic.
Honey?
Debbie?
Come in.
Oh, hi, Jim.
- I'm sorry to- - No, you should've called sooner.
Any word?
Two days and two nights and I- I had to call you. I was afraid I might-
- Yeah, I know. Did you tell the police? - Yeah.
I just- I can't see how this could be happening to us.
- You drank too much. - A lot of people drink as much...
- ... as Kirs and I and they're not alcoholics. - Yet.
A lot of them never are.
It's a lottery, Joe.
- And you lost. - Yeah. Well, how?
No way to find out before it's too late.
Joe, you remember how you told us about Kirsten's obsession...
...with chocolate candy when you first met?
A psychologist might have told you then she was a potential alcoholic.
You wouldn't have believed him. And he might have been wrong.
How many strawberries does it take to start an allergy?
And which one gives you hives?
Alcoholism is an illness. It's pretty hard to diagnose an illness until you've got it.
- Come on, Joe. She'll turn up, honest. - Why did she do it, why did she leave?
- That's... - She wanted a drink.
She had to drink, she could drink right here, and she knows it.
You're sober. It's no fun to drink around you.
It's worse!Your sobriety would be an accusation to her.
She'd be miserable. She's lost her playmate.
And Joe...
Listen, don't be too surprised if she finds another one.
She loves me. You just don't understand, there's no trouble between us.
There wasn't any trouble. Joe, don't forget.
For a long time, booze has been an integral part of your relationship.
If she drinks and you don't, you gotta find a new meeting ground...
...a different basis for a relationship. It takes adjusting.
I find it hard to believe this. There was one thing about us...
...we always knew we were in love. There was no doubt about it. We knew.
Do you understand what I'm saying? We had something.
Things like that don't just evaporate.
Joe, the night you tore up your father-in-law's flowers...
...looking for the bottle?
- What'd you do with it? - I drank it.
You didn't take it back and drink it with Kirsten?
No.
There comes a time for every alcoholic when the bottle is God.
Nothing matters but the next drink. You know that.
I know I know it, I just-
I can't believe that this is happening to me, that's all!
Two people. Seven years.
Booze, no booze, drunk, sober.
Isn't love... love?
I don't know.
I was drunk for 12 years, I've been sober the last 14.
All I know is the drunk world is one world and the sober world is another.
Such a lonely person.
Oh, God, keep her safe.
- Is your little girl all right? - Yeah, she's...
...on the peninsula with her grandfather.
Hello?
Yes, this is Mr. Clay.
Yes, Kirsten Clay, that's right, yes.
- Where? - Police?
Where is-? Shore Motel, where is that?
I see- Who is-? Mr. Turning? Is she all right?
She alone?
I'll be there as fast as possible. Thanks for calling.
She's in a motel. Mr. Turning owns the motel.
He said that she came in a cab and checked in drunk...
...and she's been drunk ever since.
- Want me to go with you? - I better go alone.
- Here, take my car. - Thanks.
Joe, listen, listen. At the risk of sounding preachy-
- I know. Easy does it, first things first- - No, no. Something else.
She may resent your being sober. It separates you.
- I know that. - But Joe!
If you're not sober, you're not worth a damn to her or anybody else, are you?
No.
- Yes, sir? - Hello, I'm Mr. Clay.
- She's in the last bungalow, Mr. Clay. - Thank you.
One sliced turnip, two stalks of celery, add pepper and salt...
...and a dash of Worcestershire sauce.
My, my, what nobility has to put up with just to have dinner.
- I'm glad I'm a rabbit. - Now place rabbit into oven...
...and heat oven to 350 degrees.
Three hundred and fifty degrees? Too hot for me.
I just remembered another commitment. Give my regrets to His Majesty.
I bid you farewell, arrivederci, sayonara and all that sort of jazz.
Oh, no, you're not. You're staying.
- I insist. - Okay, okay. If it's that important.
Cook! Cook! Where's my hasenpfeffer?
Coming right up, Royal Highness.
Bon appétit, O gracious Majesty.
You bonehead, that-
Have about a drink, honey?
- Not now. - Come on, have a drink.
No, I don't want one.
I do.
You think...?
Honey, do you think you're about ready to come home?
It's you.
- What do you want? - I want my wife.
Sober Joe.
Milkman's friend.
Well, now you got me, what do you want to do?
I was hoping to take you home.
I like it here.
My friends are here.
You have your friends, I have mine.
Have a drink.
Excuse me, I forgot.
Shame, I'm all out of...
...milk...
...coffee, tea and orange juice, those...
...non-alcoholic beverages.
- Honey, if you'd just come home. - No!
Well, you laid in a good supply.
- We could take it home and have a- - No!
- You've your friends, you don't need me. - Oh, honey.
Joe. Kiss me, Joe.
I taste like gin.
You never did like gin, so I didn't drink it, but...
...now I'm alone, so I drink it because I like gin.
Together in heaven.
Likely story.
Now he doesn't even like...
...the taste of me anymore.
Honey...
- Let me get you some food. - No.
- You're gonna get sick, you know- - I don't care!
I don't care, just go away and leave me alone. I don't care about anything.
I'll be back.
Don't bother.
Joe.
I'm lonely, Joe.
Have a drink with me, please.
I can't.
- I'm lonely! - I'll stay with you, but I can't.
Don't do me any favors!
Can't have a drink, too good to have a drink with me.
What'd they do to you down at that AA place, anyway?
Aren't you a man anymore? Can't you hear a woman calling you?
I'm a woman, can't you hear me?
- I hear you. - What're you gonna do about it?
- But we've got our own little apartment- - No, we haven't.
I'm not going back there. Never, never.
I want to be where people live. I don't want any of your...
...mealy-mouthed...
...holier-than-thou, do-gooder Boy Scouts with their...
...with their hot coffee and their cold feet.
I don't want anybody who doesn't have the guts to take a drink. Now, go away.
I want a cigarette.
Keep the pack.
You're not giving me anything.
They're community property.
So's the gin, 50-50. Here.
I'm not coming back, Joe. You're too good.
And there's no bore in the world like a goody-good.
Want some of mine, honey?
Hello!
We're closed, buddy.
- I said, we're closed. - No, come on, please!
- We close at 11. Go on home. - Oh, please.
Now look, you. Get out of here before I call the cops. Now, beat it.
No, please, please...
Please.
Oh, please.
What is it, what's happening?
Go on inside, I'll take care of this. Go on!
So you like booze, hey, buddy?
I didn't know you wanted it that bad.
Why didn't you ask?
I'll give you all the booze you want.
Why?
Joe, who am I?
- Joe. - What?
Who am I?
- You're... - Say it. Come on.
Jim.
- What happened? - What happened? You took a drink.
You're drying out now.
For two days there was a little green man chasing you around with pruning shears.
No, no, no, no, no.
Gotta...
- Gotta get my wife. - No, let her stay with her dad for a while.
I want...
I want her with me.
Joe.
Joe, you gotta stay sober.
Even if it means keeping away from her.
I can't hear you, Joe.
I love her!
Joe, if you really love her, I mean if you really love her...
...then you help her.
- How? - You set an example.
Show her that an alky can beat the rap. Give her something to aim at.
Come on, will you do that?
Oh, boy. I should have never told you about that guy with the pruning shears.
Hello, Pop.
I told you before, Joe.
Don't come here.
I've got something important, Pop, something I have to talk to you about.
Really, this means a lot to me.
- Kirs gone out someplace, or-? - She's gone to the movies.
She okay?
- You come here to talk about Kirsty? - No, I didn't.
Tell you what I came to talk about, Pop.
I've come to square accounts with you.
First of all...
...the $500 that you lent us that time to try and get started again.
We spent it, most of it, on a couple of benders.
Really didn't make much effort to get straightened out.
I just stayed drunk as long as the money lasted.
We lied to you about that.
- I know you worked hard for that. - You started my daughter drinking.
- Pop, please listen, I'm- - You started my daughter drinking.
When she lived here with her mama and me she never drank.
We never gave her even one beer.
- You started her! - Pop, what are you-?
Pop!Don't!Are you nuts? Now, what are you trying to do?
Pop?
Sure, we drank together.
And we did right from the start, but-
Where is she?
She's been gone three days!
My girl.
- My girl. - Pop...
She went off with another bum.
Not the same one, another one.
It's always another bum.
It's always:
"Good night, Dad. I'll be home early. "
"Good night, Kirsty. I'll leave the light on in the kitchen. "
I always turn it off in the morning, Joe.
I thought you told me she was getting better.
Two weeks ago she was in the hospital three days. Sick to death from drinking.
Can't you tell her that...?
Tell her how well I'm doing. Tell her all about the new apartment.
- Tell her I'll take her back any time. - She wouldn't have listened.
Well, tell her... Debbie cries for her.
Then she'd get drunk for sure.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to tell Debbie.
Well, Pop...
...there's some things we can be thankful for. Now...
...I'm working steady and I'm sober. And I'm starting to pay you back, Pop.
The $500, there's the first installment. I'll pay for her hospital bill too.
- No. - Yes, I am.
I'll pay you board as long as she stays here and for the plants I ruined that time.
I don't need for you to do that, Joe.
Pop, you don't understand.
I need for me to do it.
Kirs.
Debbie asleep?
Yes, it's after 11.
I didn't want her to see me.
- You don't look so- - So bad?
Not as bad as you imagined I would.
Well, thanks for trying, but I know how I look.
This is the way I look when I'm sober.
That's enough to make a person drink, wouldn't you say?
Joe...
...I haven't had a drink in two days.
Well, that's wonderful.
It wasn't easy.
But I wanted to talk to you, so I...
I thought I'd try and deserve it, at least a little. Sort of a penance, you might say.
You'd be surprised how much fun you can have sober, when you get the hang of it.
And you've got the hang of it?
Think so.
Believe me, it's the greatest.
Joe, wouldn't it be wonderful to begin again?
Just erase everything in between, start all over?
Getting excited over a chocolate bar?
I wanna come home.
I know what you're thinking about.
A lot's happened, lots of...
...detours.
There were plenty of them, but they were nothing. I never looked at them.
They had no identity. I never gave anything out of myself to them.
I thought they'd help me from being so lonely.
But love is the only thing that keeps you from being lonely and I didn't have that.
Kirs...
There's a little girl asleep in there that would love to wake up and see you here.
All you've gotta do is say the right words.
I don't know if I have the right words, that's why it took me so long to get here.
You see, the world looks so dirty to me when I'm not drinking.
Remember Fisherman's Wharf? The water when you look too close?
That's the way the world looks when I'm not drinking.
I don't think I could ever stop drinking completely, not like you.
- You could! - If I really wanted to?
Well, I don't. I know that now.
I want things to look prettier than they are.
But I know I could be all right, if you'd help me. I know I could.
If we were together and things were like they used to be...
...and I wasn't so nervous.
I need to be loved. I get so lonely from not being loved I can't stand it.
I love you.
I'm afraid of you.
I'm an alcoholic, I can't take a drink. I'm afraid of what we'd do.
If you'd just say that you'd try.
But I can't face the idea of never having another drink.
- Just one day at a time. - I can't. I can't. I can't!
Doesn't it impress you that I have been sober for almost a year and I'm happy?
I'm working steady. I feel great.
Debbie and I are living in a decent place again, all because I'm sober.
Yes.
- There's plenty of room. - You're strong. I know you can help me.
- If we only had it back like it was. - Back like it-?
Do you remember how it really was?
You and me and booze. A threesome, do you remember?
- Not that it wasn't great. - We can have it back that way again, if...
If I'll drink with you. But I'm not gonna drink with you. It's finished!
I wouldn't ask you to drink with me. I'd control myself.
You can't control yourself, you're an alcoholic, the same as I am.
No, no.
You and I were a couple of drunks on the sea of booze, and the boat sank.
I got ahold of something that kept me from going under. I'm not letting go.
Not for you, not for anyone.
If you want to grab on, grab on.
But there's just room for you and me, no threesome.
I can't get over how dirty everything looks.
Try it one more day.
- Why? - For her.
Come and look at her.
I can't.
You better give up on me.
Not yet.
Thanks.
Good night.
Kirs?
Take care of yourself?
Kirs!
Daddy?
I thought I heard you call Mommy.
You must have been dreaming, honey.
Let's go back to bed.
When is Mommy coming home?
Honey, Mommy's sick.
And she has to get well before she can come home.
Is she going to get well?
I did, didn't I?
Go to sleep.
Okay.
Night-night.
Good night, honey.